Special note: I am not including the vampire show with the girl from the X-men movies or the TV version of Skyrim because I’ve seen a couple of scenes from those shows thanks to my wife. Those shows suck, but I feel like I’m making informed decisions. The ones that follow are pretty much guesswork except where otherwise noted.
Friday Night Lights
You know what? All things considered, high school was probably the least important part of my life. I played some guitar and started smoking, read Kurt Vonnegut and got laid a couple of times. Now, as an adult, I’m amazed that every third TV show is set in high school and acts like it’s some perfect elastic metaphor for every part of the human condition.
The same thing I said above, only including the added disincentive of high school choirs covering overplayed pop songs. I like that lady from Best in Show and I think the visual of her in an Adidas tracksuit is inspired, but an a capella version of a Foreigner ballad is enough to make me punch a TV.
First, it’s set in a hospital. I’ve been to hospitals and haven’t liked them. Why would I spend my precious leisure time at one. Also, I would never be able to get past how the pill popping, tough talking, limp walking (wordplay!) doctor is a fancy little Englishman playing make believe as an American.
Battlestar Galactica (the remake)
I made the mistake of reading two articles about this show, so I actually know something about it. It’s supposed to be like Star Trek on Steroids and oxycontin, and I like all three of those things, so it should be a huge Mister Bulger TV Party. But evidently “All Along the Watchtower” is somehow central to the show’s mythology, which I cannot abide. It’s a terrible song and a cliché. And isn’t this supposed to be about killer robots in space? Can’t it at least be like a Flaming Lips or David Bowie song or something? Also, I read about the show’s last episode and it sounds like an epic letdown.
There is no period in history I am less interested in than England between 1870 and 1930. It might actually be interesting, but there is so much literature, TV shows and films covering that time that there’s nothing new left to it. Evidently, the whole show is about rich English people arguing about the right way to fold napkins and from what I understand, it’s set during World War I? What? Couldn’t you set a scene in Serbia or something?
The Walking Dead
If zombie ate me, I’m pretty sure my last words would be “this is so fucking boring.” There’s too much zombie culture out there. We’ve reached zombie tipping point. Ironically, the zombie threat has been eliminated because we’ve been overrun by zombie culture. Both versions of Dawn of the Dead and the book “World War Z” are still crazy rad, though.
The New HBO show with Dustin Hoffman
I’m done with “good” HBO shows. It won’t be as good as The Wire and I’ve seen The Wire, so how much am I really missing? These shows have no commercial breaks and go on forever. It would take a full day to watch a season of one of these shows. I even gave up on Boardwalk Empire, and I liked that show! With the exception of The Wire, all of these shows would be much better as three hour movies. Even The Sopranos felt pretty padded after a while.