I Don’t Understand the Question and I Won’t Respond to it

Play Misty for Me is streaming on Netflix. I’ve been curious about watching it again for a while, as it stars a young Jessica Walter—Lucille Bluth of Arrested Development. Walter, quirky cute in her early 2os, plays a manic pixie nightmare girl stalking Clint Eastwood, a super smooth radio DJ with awesome hair who just wants to loosen his load but he’s got seven women on his mind. Walters stands the most in the way of his ability to take it easy; even though he told her that she was just a one night stand she gets clingy and weird. The irresistibly mellow Eastwood is caught in her nightmare web until I decided to pause the movie and see what other movies Jessica Walter has been in.

And boy has she ever been in another movie. She’s the villain in the ’70s made for tv Doctor Strange movieSkip to the two-minute mark and watch her own that shit.

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Help Me Tweet Die Hard: Die Harder

The Die Hard experiment was a success. It was such a success that I’m going to start a club. We’re going to be called the John McClane-iacs. Or maybe the Die Hard-kateers. I thought about calling members the Die Hard-y Boys, but that implies that it’s gonna be all Johns and no Hollys. But everybody can join …With a Vengeance.

The club is going to meet once. And it’s not going to meet at all. Basically, I’m going to pick a date where everybody watches Die Hard at the same time, and we take to Twitter and maybe Facebook (I’m trying to work out the kinks on this; if anybody has suggestions, email them to adam dot bulger at gmail dot com) and document everything in the world about the movie. I’ll let you guys know when that’s gonna happen. Probably on a Wednesday night sometime in the next three weeks or so. It’s on Netflix streaming, so we can watch it any time. But, I’ll check cable listings as well. If it’s actually on TV, that might be pretty fun.

Anyway. The response I got for the Die Hard twitter account was great. People actually used it and there’s some funny and/or interesting stuff on there. I don’t know who wrote what, other than what I wrote. I’ve listed some of my favs below (quick note. I wrote one of them: the Pamona one.)

Continue reading “Help Me Tweet Die Hard: Die Harder”

Help Me Tweet Die Hard

Guys, seriously. We need to talk about Die Hard. 

We need to focus on the lines of dialogue that seem oddly poetic when taken out of context. We need to address how little sense the bad guys’ plan makes. We need to explore the homoerotic undertones and gender role panic subtext. We need to celebrate Alan Richman, Argyle, evil Argyle, Carl Winslow, the dickless EPA agent from Ghostbusters, the asshole Principal from the Breakfast Club, Robert Davi and of course, John McClane. We need to talk about cocaine yuppies, beard classifications, Holly’s hair and explosions what the movie says about Christmas and America and terrorism and more.

I’ve created a vehicle for us to do all of these things. My new twitter account is DIEalogueHARD. The password is hollymcclane.

Die Hard is on Netflix streaming. Please have at it.

Rules.

-Please try to get quotes from the movie as accurate as possible. If you’re a little off, no biggie. (I’ve already screwed this up a couple of times.)

-Observations and commentary should be in all caps, to differentiate them from quotes ((I’ve already screwed this up a couple of times, too.)

-The preferred spelling is “yippie-ki-ay.”

-Also, I’m not sure if Twitter lets multiple people use the same account. If this doesn’t work, I guess we could twitter about it separately with the hashtag #DIEalogueHARD. That seems kind of sad, in a way, though.

That’s Totally Not How Tom Hanks Dies

So there’s this movie called “Incredibly loud and extremely close.” The trailers are playing on TV right now and they’re bumming out my wife something fierce. She couldn’t believe that they would make a movie where Tom Hanks dies in 911.

She was only half kidding, but I really do see her point. The whole movie and the book they were based on are toxically manipulative. The worst to happen in America ever is used as a shitty little trick to get people to care about what looks to be a paper thin too-cute little story.

And anyhow, everybody knows that’s not what happens when Tom Hanks dies. Tom Hanks goes out killing Nazis and it’s somehow bad-ass and over-the-top cornball at the same time.

Fixing Comic Book Movies: Thor

There have been some pretty good comic book movies, but no perfect ones. In this series I’m putting superhero movies under the microscope and seeing what went wrong, what went right and what could have gone better.

Overview

I actually own this movie on DVD and I’ve never watched it. I saw it in the theater and was surprised by how much I liked it. And yet every time I consider watching it, it seems like a chore.

What Went Right?

Whoever designed the costumes for this movie is a genius. They somehow managed to translate about 60 percent of the logistically impossible Jack Kirby fashion designs into real world clothes. Like Loki’s ridiculous rams horns and the four circles on Thor’s shirt (what are those supposed to be, anyway?) look surprisingly plausible.

Otherwise, when the movie goes hardcore goofball and becomes a cliff’s notes version of a Lord of the Rings movie, it’s pretty fun.

Also, I love that they had him do some goofy hammer tricks like the comics. Continue reading “Fixing Comic Book Movies: Thor”

Fixing Comic Book Movies: Captain America

cap

There have been some pretty good comic book movies, but no perfect ones. In this series I’m putting superhero movies under the microscope and seeing what went wrong, what went right and what could have gone better.

Captain America

Overview
I thought Captain America was very good, but was disappointed that it wasn’t great. When I was a kid, Cap was my favorite superhero so I guess I had some skin in the game.

What Went Right?
A whole lot, actually. It was a great idea to set it during World War II and Cap rode a motorcycle, had an awesome team of Army dudes and fought robot Nazis with flamethrowers. The 12-year-old version of me would have lost his shit.

Continue reading “Fixing Comic Book Movies: Captain America”