The Worst of R.E.M.

  • “Stand.” It sounds like a lazy Weird Al parody of a better song.
  • “End of the World (And I Feel Fine).” This is the thinking man’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” and all parties involved should feel deeply ashamed.
  • “This One Goes Out to the One I Love.” Actually a pretty good song the first 999 times you hear it. By the time you hit 1,000, you start to wonder why he’s sending fire to the one he loves. Also, I know I’m judging this through a 2011 gay marriage is a real, legal thing prism, but it seems a little don’t ask don’t tell cowardly to not say it goes out to the man you love.
  • “Losing My Religion.” I can’t imagine anyone in the world hearing this song and doing anything else than wait for it to end.
  • “Shiny Happy People.” Is this one supposed to be ironic or make a statement or something? Is it about acceptance of “normal” people or is it about propping up the superiority of despairing ‘90s college rock fans? Either way, it’s poisonously smug. And that major key jangling riff is like a broken supermarket PA message.
  • “Everybody Hurts.” A desperate plea for humanity written by someone who doesn’t understand humanity. They lyrics could have been written at a Mormon sleep away camp.
  • “Radio Song.” By the mid ’90s, college rock got real lazy. Here’s an illustration: Elvis Costello in 1977: The radio is in the hands of such a lot of fools trying to anesthetize the way that you feel. Micheal Stipe in 1990-whatever: It’s the same, same song. The DJ sucks. It makes me sad. Jesus Christ, Stipe, are you an 11-year-old in a pageant? It makes you sad? Would some cocoa and a hot water bottle help? Well I certainly hope the ASCAP checks from  the five year 23-hour a day broadcast of “Losing my Religion” ease the pain a little. On an unrelated note, remember that rap song “The Bridge is Over”? Whatever happened to that guy?

Published by Mister Bulger

Adam Bulger is a frequent contributor to the parenting website He's written for the wedding site and the college student aide Less recently, he's written for The Believer, Forbes, The Atlantic's website, Suicidegirls, Inked Magazine and probably about a dozen other places that are too obscure or defunct to bother listing.

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